Am I Doing Enough?
The other day, I was driving Dex home from speech therapy and thinking- am I doing enough? Now, that was not a new question- it is a question that plagues me every dang day at least once.
I watch videos that friends post of their children with Down syndrome doing things at a younger age that Dex is still struggling with. I immediately start thinking of more things I can do with him. I make flashcards, do tons of research, look at pinterest and ask my friends for ideas. And I still always feel like I come up short.
Having 2 children with Down syndrome has magnified this feeling as well- When Dex was Gus’ age he had nearly 35 signs and words, and Gus has 2. Dex didn’t walk independently until he was almost 4, and Gus is taking steps at 18 months. I look at my kids and think what can I do to help each of them succeed more, while blaming myself for not doing enough to help them succeed.
Y’all, that’s a lot of pressure.
Then I think about myself, and my friends. I had friends in high school that were taking AP calculus and I had to take Algebra twice. (I am not a math girl, clearly) I never felt like I wasn’t doing enough- I knew deep down I was doing the best I could, so why is that my first thought when it comes to my kids?
Dex has been in speech therapy since he was 9 months old, he is deaf in his left ear, yet he tries so hard, and is amazing at getting his point across. Why isn’t that enough?
Why can’t we celebrate what our kids can do individually? (and I am saying we, but preaching to myself)
My kid goes to school all day, then to therapy or tutoring almost every day of the week, then he is doing homework and working on things with us at home. Seriously- this balance thing is hard, and I stink at it.
Finding the balance of when to push and challenge my kiddos, and when to just let them go play just to play is tough. I know this isn’t just the case for momma’s of kids with special needs. I have close friends that have typical children that are asking themselves these same questions.
We all can only do the best we can with what we are given. I am making that my mantra. It is so hard to remember. And when my kids get bigger, I want them to remember the times we played a game that had nothing to do with fine motor practice, or learning to read. I want them to remember laughing when we made muffins together in the kitchen without working on math or reading or doing anything other than making memories and being together.
So I am here to say, that I am cheering you on, momma! Parenting is no joke, and it is hard enough without comparing yourself to another momma, or your kids to other kids.
Until next time...